Getting To Know You, Getting To Know All About You

Knowing that Kevin McHale's idea of due diligence is cutting his fishing from seven days per week down to six during NBA Draft preparation, we've decided to do some extensive research (if you call cracking open the 2008 NBA Draft Media Guide and copying some of its content extensive) for McHale and his Shawn Kemp-like family of decision makers. We've pulled together some interesting personal facts from numerous players in this year's NBA Draft that will, no doubt, be invaluable to the Wolves come Thursday.

- Darell Arthur (F), Kansas. Nickname is "Slim Shady." The Wolves already have "Slim Shady" in Rashad McCants...Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me...
- Chase Budinger (F), Arizona. Elite volleyball player who was named 2006 Mizuno National High School Volleyball Player of the Year. Unless the Wolves like watching Cast Away on every team charter we would stay clear of Wilson...we mean Chase.
- Derrick Caracter (F), Louisville. Enjoys reading. Having the only NBA player who can read on your squad would be a nice novelty.
- Jaycee Carroll (G), Utah State. Served a two-year church mission after high school in Chile. Excellent preparation for the impossible task at hand in the North Star State.
- Mario Chalmers (G), Kansas. Cousin, Chris Smith, played with the Timberwolves. If the Wolves draft Chalmers expect a lengthy holdout after Smith fills him in on how things operate at 600 First Avenue North.
- Kentrell Gransberry (F/C), South Florida. Has two triplet sisters. Twin sisters! Enough said.
- Danny Green (G), North Carolina. Is second cousins with Gerald Green, formerly of the Timberwolves. Blow out the candle on your cupcake, Danny. Gerald left a bad taste in these parts. Enjoy Europe.
- Donte Greene (F), Syracuse. Majoring in communication and rhetorical studies. Rhetorical Studies? Here's a rhetorical question for you, Donte. Has Glen Taylor's prolonged exposure to printing inks and fumes over the years affected his decision making process when it comes to the Timberwolves?
- DeVon Hardin (C), California. Wears a size 19 shoe. Have you met the Gransberry twins yet, Devon?
- J.J. Hickson (F), North Carolina State. Favorite NBA Player is Kevin Garnett. Instant fan favorite, if drafted. You're a wise young man, J.J. Hickson.
- Serge Ibaka (F/C), C.B. L'Hospitalet (Spain). Has 17 siblings. From a financial standpoint Ibaka should be the Wolves pick at No. 3. If he brought all his siblings to every home game attendance at Target Center would immediately double.
- Darnell Jackson (F), Kansas. Did not start playing basketball until the ninth grade. Should fit in well with the Timberwolves. McHale only this year started working full-time as the VP of Basketball Operations.
- Nathan Jawai (F/C), Cairns Taipans (Australia). Nicknames include "Baby Shaq" and "Aussie Shaq" for his resemblance to Shaquille O'Neal. If drafted by the Wolves, do you think he'll eventually get into an argument with Marko Jaric and ask him in a freestyle rap: "Marko, tell me how my ass tastes?"
- Joseph Jones (F), Texas A&M. Admits to being a neat freak. Joining a franchise in such disorder as the Wolves will likely send Jones over Minnehaha Falls without a barrel by Thanksgiving.
- DeAndre Jordan (C) Texas A&M. Enjoys playing ping-pong. The Timberwolves have never had much luck with little plastic balls (or large orange ones for that matter). Take your paddle elsewhere, DeAndre.
- Brook/Robin Lopez (C), Stanford. Hobbies include watching movies and reading comic books. They don't actually read the comic books, they just like to look at the pictures.
- Kevin Love (F/C), UCLA. Uncle Mike is the lead singer of the Beach Boys. He'll be wishing they could all be California girls, but it's more likely he'll be singing "I wish they weren't all Coon Rapids girls."
- Luc Richard Mbah a Moute (F), UCLA. Is a prince in his village of Bafia (Bia Messe) in Cameroon. The Wolves already have a mayor (Fred Hoiberg). A prince would just complicate things.
- Richard Roby (G), Colorado. Half-brother, Kenyon Martin, is a member of the Denver Nuggets. Which half? Left? Right? Top? Bottom?
- Jason Thompson (F), Rider. Career goals include becoming a TV sports anchor. A killing two birds with one stone pick. Not only could Thompson play for the Wolves, he could also replace Mike Max at WCCO. A win-win situation for everybody.
- D.J. White (F), Indiana. Reads Psalms 121 before every game. That's a misprint. It should say, Derrick Caracter, reads Psalms 121 to him before every game.